High Hopes, Silent Struggles: The Dark Side of Ambition

I'm Ekaterina and I'm here to share with you a problem that is relevant to me. I'm a perfectionist and idealist who often sets high expectations for myself, using them as motivation to keep pushing forward. But as I focus on achieving goals and maintaining high standards, disappointment seems to often follow me. Plans either don't work out, or they don't meet my standards. And I know, I'm not alone in feeling stressed about grades, internships, and the future - especially now at the end of our first period at university. It seems appropriate to discuss this topic; to look at how high expectations can become harmful when reaching an extreme and why appreciating our achievements is so essential for our well-being.

It's common to claim that having high expectations is a good thing that will help us realize our full potential. However, the pressure to achieve these goals can quickly backfire if they become unreasonable or unduly ambitious. Even if their accomplishments are objectively remarkable, people with high aspirations frequently become dissatisfied when they fall short of their objectives. Ironically, having high expectations can result in a vicious cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt. I can relate this to myself; when I receive a good grade but still not high enough, I frequently ask myself, "Why didn't I do better?" I minimize my accomplishments rather than recognizing my efforts and the difficulties I had, such as completing an assignment for the first time or being ill.

When we put too much emphasis on success, we may neglect other crucial aspects of life, such as relationships and mental health. From my experience, I struggle to unwind when I'm not pursuing a goal. This makes burnout all but unavoidable, and it is evident that making time for both effort and recuperation is necessary to preserve well-being. 

The conflict between ambition and self-appreciation is also connected to what's known as the “hedonic treadmill.” In this cycle, we quickly adapt to new achievements and shift to the next goal without stopping to celebrate. Take me for example, when I achieve something significant, I find myself asking, “What's next?” without pausing to feel satisfied with what I accomplished. This approach can lead to the feeling of “never enough,” where no achievement is valued for long enough before the focus shifts onto the next. This pattern is mentally exhausting and can make it difficult to feel fulfilled.

Self-appreciation isn't about settling for less; it's about recognizing effort and appreciating progress. Celebrating achievements, even the small ones, gives us a sense of satisfaction that keeps us motivated. It reminds us that while the journey toward improvement is ongoing, each step has value .

Positive psychology research, led by Martin Seligman, shows that gratitude—including gratitude toward ourselves—can improve both happiness and motivation. Taking a moment to acknowledge personal successes builds confidence, making high expectations feel less overwhelming. Balancing ambition with appreciation encourages sustained motivation and self-worth.

While high expectations can drive us forward, they become counterproductive if pushed too far, preventing us from appreciating what we've achieved. 

I hope this blog reminds you, dear readers, that it's okay to pause and celebrate. You're not alone in this struggle; we're all on a lifelong journey, with time to reach our potential. So, celebrate your progress, no matter how small—it's all part of the bigger journey ahead.

Take care, and remember that achieving your future shouldn't come at the cost of enjoying the present.