Play time

I truly cherish play time. Growing up they all told me how “An only child is a lonely child”. I honestly did not feel it. I spent most of my time outdoors in nature or around animals. The house we lived in was part of a community in a forest. There were cats, dogs, hares, rabbits, butterflies, fireflies, deers, wolves, peacocks, langurs, snakes, scorpions with rare sightings of hyenas and leopards. I spent my days cycling around the forest, climbing ropes and trees, parking my bike under a hilly forest and running up to explore it on my own. I went for swims, skated through courts, ran through stadiums, ran down slopes followed by tumbling frequently because my I couldn't stop running. I would run until the end of our community runway and then sit down because I was too tired to walk back. My dad would have to rescue me in a tiny car that was used to taxi a microlight plane from a hanger. Oh, I miss the days where my parents could rescue me from things. There was basically a lot of running and climbing and running some more. There was so much play time. I lived so much in those years! We would go sailing or horse riding on the weekends. The older me does not approve of horse riding now. I had a treehouse at home too. My treehouse was in a mango tree. Mango trees do not produce mangoes every year but the years it did my tree house was taken over by a group of langurs who seem to enjoy having a place their whole group could hangout. There were some Sundays I would have to beg my parents to play board games with me. Board games were one of the most received birthday gifts which you should not be giving to an only child. I still have a stack of unopened board games at home that I never found anyone to play them with. Apart from those sundays of board game begging, I did not really feel lonely until we moved.

We moved to an apartment in the city. From a house with 5 gardens, a backyard, a driveway and a treehouse to an apartment. From a well mannered community where we all knew each other to the real city world. There was no nature in the area we lived in. It was a dusty city. Even now, I see that time of my life as a dark time. I do not want to think or write about it too much so I will be brief. It is difficult being a new kid constantly. Going from a closed community that operated in a certain way to the real world is difficult. People do not really like you when you stand out too much, you must fit in. You were considered weird if you were different. I love how the times have changed now. But back then I was talked shit about, called names, bullied in so many ways, gotten stones thrown at, got things stolen from my backpack at school, kept out of the circle, not invited to parties to just start with. For the first time in my life, I felt lonely. I felt I was not enough, I had to get people to like me so they would want to play with me. Children in this world were meaner, they kept me out, I was very isolated and it still feels so dark that the adult me cannot deal with it even now.  To help me cope, my parents decided to pay the househelp extra money to get her kids to work. So they could keep me company and play with me. The househelp agreed for the money. The kids did not want to be there, because they had better friends to hangout with and here they are being forced to come to work with their mother. All of this led me to playing with annoyed kids who started to bully me. I have never in my life felt so unwanted and desperate for someone to just play with me. I felt the kid in me was crumbling at eight with all the personality just washing off leaving just emptiness. I was at my lowest as a kid.

Lucky for me, we moved to another protected community world again. Life was good again, with a group of friends to play basketball, nature, space to cycle, a golf course to run around and animals to pet. All good things come to an end, don’t they? We moved again to a city. It went dark all over again, This time I was prepared. I spent more time by myself in my room. I started to conserve my energy. I started to love being by myself, to be happy in my room and in my safe space. Every time I got some play time with friends, I truly cherished it because I knew its value, I knew that eventually it would be me again in my room by myself so I would live it up as much as I can when I was out. I still cherish it. On some days it’s like blood to a vampire where I want more and I think I will always want more play time. My child self feels the safest then. I really appreciate, cherish and am so grateful for moments when someone chooses me as their play buddy. Board games, online games, outdoor games, random races, swings, slides or nature walks. I will always be ready to play if people pick me to be their play buddy.

All these years, I thought how would I ever explain it to someone why play time is so important to me and then Taylor Swift comes out with Mastermind:

No one wanted to play with me as a little kid
So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since
To make them love me and make it seem effortless
This this the first time I've felt the need to confess
And I swear
I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian 'cause I care

I think in the end, I am just a girl, standing in front of you, asking you to come out and play?