Happy Birthday, you!

Within 20 minutes of meeting you;
You were drowning me in your life story.
I knew so much by the end of that hour;
I knew we were going to be friends;
I knew that I didn’t have a choice anymore;
I knew that I knew too much!

I knew your lows and highs;
I knew your heart was recently broken;
I didn’t ever tell you but so was mine.
I knew nights were tougher;
I knew the darkness turned the pain
a little more stronger;
Your vulnerability made me realize
that you and I are so much alike.

And then you told me you thought
of ending it all;
You wanted to take the power back
from the pain;
You and I were on the same bridge
Dear old friend.
Wondering if it was too selfish to jump?
I should have told you;
I was on that bridge with you!

Every day we lived was our birthday;
I don’t know what I was high on;
But I called you at midnight one night
and wished you “Happy Birthday!”
You were confused at first;
Then thought I was ridiculous;
We talked for hours after;
ranting about how our lives sucked.

I called you every Midnight for months;
On nights, I would forget you would call me
and say “What the fuck?”
“Happy Birthdayy!”  is what I sang;
excitedly and happily as,
in this stupid world;
my existence mattered to
at least one person.

All those months,
all those calls &
all those wishes;
You didn’t know;
You were healing me.
The calls with you,
were healing me too!

As we both got better,
The calls got fewer,
Lives took over.

Then the dark days came,
This time not just for us,
The world was caged,
So were we but with our abusers.
We called and caught up sooner!

We would lose ourselves,
into the darkness.
We understood that,
we both were protecting
our wounds in solitude.
We understood that
on the days when there
was light, we would have
the energy to tell each other
about the days in the dark.

Sadly, my darker days
took over me intensely,
I shut myself from you
and the world, all at once.
You called me in April;
and I texted you that
I will call back once I am out;
You said you would wait and
I knew you would!
You sent me memes;
every other day.
I could barely open any
messages, I was stuck.
You called again in September.
And I hid myself from the phone
It all felt too much!

Months passed by like days;
I moved to a new town;
Thought of not calling you back
weighed me down!
I started to reach out to you
on text, on-call, and Instagram;
I didn’t hear back for a few months.
I waited for you to come out of your
solitude.

A few more months passed by;
I texted your best friend to ask him
how to get to you.
He said “Oh I am so sorry we forgot to tell you”
“He had a heart attack, he passed away”
I was being pranked for sure;
He was barely twenty-four.
Denial set in.
I said I didn’t believe him;
He was sending me memes a few months back;
I would have known, I should have known;
Why was I not told?
I asked him “When?” He said “Last September”.
They all found out a few months later.
We were all living so disconnected;
and he was the most isolated.

I went back to our chats,
to your missed calls;
the last one in September.
I am sorry I missed your last call!
I wish I was better;
I wish had picked up that call;
I am carrying that with me until I meet you!
Maybe then we can start it all over,
and I could scream and sing
to your face with delight

Happy Birthday, you!