The Court

I used to skate, I spent a big part of my childhood skating in India. Most cities in India did not have skate parks or rinks so we skated on basketball courts. That was my first introduction to the court. I was 5, too tiny to hold a basketball, let alone shoot it in a basket. I have a vague memory of standing under a basket and looking up at this gigantic tower with a hovering net over me. I tried to shoot but the ball would not even touch the net of the basket. As we moved cities, I moved through courts I skated on. Hobbies aren’t really hobbies in India. You don’t do them for fun or to pass your time. While I started skating for fun, the classes and training sessions were not the place you could let go. They taught you to be disciplined, it was about the competition and basically however fast you go, you were never fast enough. During one of the rounds, I fell on my hand, my shoelaces opened up which led me to trip, I was told to keep going and I did with a torn ligament. Getting back to skating was difficult for me even after recovery. It didn’t feel good to be on the court. Lucky for me, we moved again!

New city, new school, new uniform, new life and new crushes, isn’t that how it is supposed to go? I was introduced to the court again, this time, in my new school as I watched this one boy play. This boy was one of the few people who were kind to me in this new school. The windows of the classes faced the basketball court and I really liked my view. Thirteen-year-old me saw this beautiful boy play basketball so gracefully and came up with a plan. The plan was to practice and learn how to play basketball. It was a foolproof plan, it even made sense in multiple math equations. A=B,B=C so C=A. If he likes basketball(A) and I like him (B), then if I like basketball (C ) he will end up liking me too. Another way to look at it, He likes Basketball = I like basketball. Basketball on both sides canceled out, leading to him liking me.  Never did I imagine how this one little crush will change my years to come. 

I started going to the court soon after I did this math in my head. I practiced every evening after school no matter the weather. If it was too hot, too cold or too rainy, I showed up on that court every evening at 5pm and so did the court. I dribbled and practiced shots from every angle I could. That really bonded me and the court. The court was my safe space, if you stepped into this rectangular box, you and I were automatically friends, you were in my inner circle. The introvert me was an extrovert on this court. I could talk to anyone about everything. Slowly, the other teenagers who used to come play matches started to recognize me on the court and invited me to play matches with them. They were all boys who were taller, stronger and older than me. Some of them even played basketball competitively. I was a little intimidated but I agreed. Little did I know that they would be the ones that would build my foundation to the game. 

Soon, the court became my second home and they became my family. A quick shift some might say? We showed up every day around the same time on the court. Some of them even touched the court to take blessings before they entered it like it was a temple they were stepping into. We all left our worries from home, from school and everything else behind when we stepped on the court. I could truly let go and express emotions purely as they came on the court. Whether it was joy, anger or even hurt. I could be the dumbest, stupidest version of myself and the court did not judge nor did the people on it. The boys were patient with me and my shots. Some of them did yell at me when I missed a shot, others mostly were gentler. We talked a lot on the court, I learnt about basketball, about boys going through puberty, about Air Jordans and everything else from them. Somedays, I felt I was taken in by a pack of wolves. I do not remember being as happy in my life as when I was playing basketball on that court. I experienced joy to the fullest. It was home to me and it gave me a space to connect with myself and be me. The court made me feel seen. I was not invisible anymore. It gave me confidence that channeled to other spaces in my life, I started to do better in school academically and socially. I made friends that continued to be a part of my life for the next 13 years and more. 

As I got better at focusing on the basket and making my shots, I completely lost focus from my school crush and I never ended up taking that shot. Now that I look back at it, maybe my school crush was just guiding me to the court. I am glad I picked him to be my crush and I am glad he played basketball! As I search for a new court, I realize that the court gave me everything, from confidence, to friendship, to love and even heartbreaks. I went through all of that with the court by my side and I would do anything to be back on that court again or at least find a court that feels a little like home.